The FAT girl

Do you remember when you first were told that FAT is a bad word?

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was at the doctor's. I was barely 13 years old and he had told me that I was FAT. No medical terms, no sugar (heh heh) coating…I can’t even remember if he had any recommendations for the issue at hand of me being so FAT, but I do remember him staring right into my face and saying “you’re FAT.”

And I was very familiar with this word because all of the kids at school had already been calling me that for a while now. If they weren’t moo-ing at me or throwing candy at me in band practice, fat was their word of choice.

Or to get REALLY creative, they called me “Fattix”.

Don’t worry guys, this story has a happy ending. ;)

I started sobbing immediately, and my dad was mortified. This is when I realized that there was something very wrong with me because I was fat. If a doctor said it, it must mean I am very broken. We left, and I don’t really remember much of that evening.

I remember what followed: years and years of disordered eating, yo-yo dieting, self-hatred, and heavy abuse of my body.

I never wanted to be called FAT ever again. I learned early on that it was such a horrible thing to be. Never mind that I was a kind, smart, talented, and caring kid…I was fat, and that was the worst thing I could ever be.

Do you remember when you first heard the word fat? Do you remember when you realized it was a bad word? Even now, does it make you cringe to see me using it so often? This word has a lot of power over many of us.

BUT over the past 5 years or so, with a lot of personal development work, self-reflection, and connection with who I REALLY am, I realized something huge…

I call myself fat far more than anyone ever has. EVER.

The voices in my head are the ones I hear the most, and they are the ones that speak so negatively about me. Or rather…they were.

Y’all, I know this gets talked about a lot, and it’s powerful in every subject, but I think it is especially helpful and powerful in THIS topic because…

What you think shapes how you see the world. And if you think you are fat, ugly, gross, unworthy, too small, too large, etc…that’s what you will see in the mirror, regardless of what anyone tells you.

Body dysmorphia ring any bells for you guys?

And I realized this was exactly what I was doing. And when you feel bad about yourself, you attract bad experiences…negative people, needy partners, and lots of other things you unintentionally bring into your life.

But when you start to talk to yourself differently and heal your stories from WITHIN, you start to exude confidence and attract better experiences and people into your life.

And THAT is what my new free course is all about.

10 days of diving into what you’re saying to yourself every day (you may not even know what that is!), how to change it, and exercises to let go of old shit that doesn’t serve you so you can let bright new shit in.

And I made this course FREE because I think everyone deserves to be happy in their body, and I mean everyone. And if through my experience I can save you a few extra steps and get you into self-love a little more quickly, then I am fulfilling my purpose on earth and that makes my heart super happy.

So check it out here!